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It is surprising how one's emotional state affect one's physical feeling. Most of this project I have felt tired. I think the reason is, there were parts of this project I was less that fully confident I could do. The nature of my business seems to be that I am frequently operating at the limits of my knowledge/skill. There were parts of the project I wasn't very confident about.
I felt under stress. That leads me to another point. Tony Robbins says that, when we say we're feeling stressed, what we're really saying is we're fearful. That bit of transmogrification has been a small epiphany to me. Now when I feel stressed, I say am I afraid of? Here, I was afraid of failing in front of the client.
But I don't like to loose and I don't like to fail. When I am in deep do-do, my mind really focuses. I have been in situations where events were not under my control and appeared to be getting worse. People have commented, how cool, calm and collected I remain.
They don't understand. If I have a project that is appears to be in a cascade reaction to destruction, I need eve bit of mental processes I can lay my hands on. I need every neuron firing in complete sync and harmony with all it's neighboring neurons. I simply cannot afford the mental load to get emotional.
As I look back on my many "adventures," I cannot find a single incident where I was defeated. Yes, I may have taken some casualties. On rare instances, I have taken heavy casualties. But I have always be able declare victory in the end.
Tonight I feel fine.
Posted by Ted at December 18, 2003 9:02 PM