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I remembered bits of this story so I searched the net until I found the whole thing.
A certain Southern gentleman was returning home after recuperating in the mountains for three months. His friend, George, met him on the platform at the station."George, has there been any news while I've been away?"
"Oh no, there hasn't been any news."
"No news? Surely, something must have occurred in my absence. I've been gone for most nearly three months, and I'm anxious for any little bit of news you may have."
"Well, since you mention it ...'course, it don't amount to much, but since you been away, your dog died."
"My dog ...died?"
"See, he went in to eat up some of the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog."
"Burnt ...horseflesh?"
"See, after the fire cooled off, the dog went in to eat up some of the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog."
"After ...the fire cooled off?"
"See the barn burned down, burned all the cows and horses. When the fire cooled off, the dog went in and ate up some of the horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog."
"My barn burned down! Well, how did my barn burn down?"
"It was a spark from the house. See, it flew over onto the roof of the barn, burned down the barn, burned all the cows and horses, and when the fire cooled off, the dog went in to eat up some of the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog. "
"A spark ...from the house?!â€
"Oh yes, now that's completely burned down."
"Well, how did my house burn down?"
"See, it was the candles. They were under those curtains. That flame just shot up the wall, burned down that house, a spark went over to the barn, burned down the barn burned all the cows and horses and when the fire cooled off the dog went in to eat up some of the burnt horseflesh ...and that's what killed the dog."
"Candles! Why, I never have candles in the house. I don't even allow candles in the house. How did candles get in the house?"
"They was around the coffin."
‘...the coffin? Who died?"
"You needn't worry about that. Since you've been away your mother- in-law died."
"Oh, my ...my mother-in-law. What a pity. How in the world did she die?"
"Well, some folks say it was from the shock of hearing that your wife run away with the chauffeur. But other than that, there ain't been no news."
I recently received an Email that my niece was having some marital problems. I have responded back and forth a bit and every time I do, it seems to get a little deeper. At the moment I feel like the fellow in the story above that has just found out his barn burned down. I'm wondering where my current tale will take me next.
Posted by The Vorlon at September 2, 2005 8:56 PM