Vorlon Whispers

Meeting with my Oncologist

I met with my oncologist today and it was an interesting experience. They took my temperature, blood pressure and weighed me. Then she told me they wanted to take some blood. I asked her why as they always take the blood sample after the insert the IV in my arm. She said that’s what the nurses told her.

So now, I’m sitting there waiting for the nurse to come in and take my blood. The more I thought about it, the less I liked the idea. I mean, why get stuck twice when I can get stuck once?

She came by again and I told I didn’t want to have my blood taken today; they can do it tomorrow when I come in for my chemo. She said, “Let me check with the nurses.” She came back and said it’s OK, they can check it tomorrow.

Later I met with the oncologist. He observed that I had said I wanted to have my blood taken tomorrow not today. He commented that I should be OK with that.

He did an exam of me and said I seemed fine.

Then he asked how I was doing psychologically. Was I depressed? I answered no. He asked me what I thought about the future. I responded, “I expect you to cure me.”

He asked if I thought about if that didn’t happen. I didn’t really have an answer for that.

When I left is office was feeling a little scared and a little disappointed in my oncologist.

After work tonight, I revisited the Padre Pio shrine. I know it may be hocus pocus, but I figure what do I have to lose? There was no one there when I got there. I walked up, touched the statue and prayed. I looked around and there was still no one around. I got back into the cockpit of Dasher-1 and drove home.

As I was driving home, I went through a bit of a psychological change. For the last few days, I had been rather dreading my chemo treatment. I was just not looking forward to going through the pain and tiredness another time. But after the brief discussion with my oncologist, my determination was renewed. This morning I was of the mind of what Christ said just before his crucifixion, “If it be possible, let his cup pass from me,”

But now I’m ready to take whatever they throw at me. I’m still not wild about going through this again, but now I am determined. If this is what I need do. Well, so be it. I’m ready. Bring it on.

Posted by The Vorlon at April 18, 2006 8:26 PM