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I just returned from the oncologist’s office after his cursory exam. He listened to my breathing, listened to my heart, thumped on me like he was trying to pick a ripe watermelon and pressed on my gizzard saying, “Does this hurt?”
He pronounced, “You look really good!” “So why am I here?” I responded. He just chuckled.
My only complaint to him was that it is difficult to eat, when food tasted so badly. He acknowledged the difficulty and then said, “You have to think of food as medicine. I know we don’t think of it like that, but you just need to get it down.”
I agreed. He IS right.
I know it’s encouraging that he makes those statements that I seem good, but every time I have seen him, I think he has said pretty much the same thing – so I take it with a grain of salt.
I still maintain, that if it wasn’t for the chemo, I would feel really good - no, I would feel great.
Every time my next treatment comes around a part of me dreads it. I wonder how many people just say, “Enough! Just let me die in peace instead of putting up with this.”
I remember recently reading that US Marines, when they go through their basic training, are taught that they should set the example for others to follow. I kind of feel like I have the responsibility to my readers, even though I don’t know many of them. Anyone, who so publicly chronicles their journey through the Valley of the Shadow of Death as I have, needs to keep the attitude that they should set the example for others to follow.
I intend to do that, although I will acknowledge my fears, when they happen. I have two sayings on my wall in my computer room. One says, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the conquest of it.” The other is a quote from Winston Churchill, “Never, never, never give up!”
Posted by The Vorlon at May 31, 2006 2:56 PMAmen
Posted by: Vorlon Assistant at May 31, 2006 4:13 PMTed I agree with the Vorlan Assistant "AMEN". I know the Chemo makes you feel rotten but lets hope and pray this one works and shrinks the Tumor down to nothing!!! What ever you do "DO NOT GIVE UP!!!! The inspiration we get from your writings is very important.
Buy the way how was the frogs!!
Lots of love and prayers
Doris
I know it's easy for others to say.
How ever, every one who follows your blog know you have the strength of Faith and the will power to win this war. We will never back off on our faith with our prayers that you will be sucessful.
May God Bless
Your Mom and Dad
Posted by: at May 31, 2006 4:41 PMWe want Every one who is praying for healing and words of comfort to our son. To know how much his Mom and Dad appreciate your prayers for his recovery.
May God Bless
Posted by: at May 31, 2006 4:50 PMHi Ted,
I have attended Central UMC in Lk-O for many yrs along w/ your folks. I also recall riding the school bus w/ you many yrs ago. I think you graduated in about '62 along w/ my sister Sharon (Goodemoot) who coincidentally undergoes chemo at this time too.
Anyway, I follow your blog and draw strength from your courage! You are obviously "made of the same stuff" as your parents whom I hold in the highest regard. Please continue to persevere! You are in our prayers daily.
Thank you to everyone.
Von,
I graduated in '63. At least I'm pretty sure I did. I am sorry to hear about your sister, Sharon. As I travel this journey I find there are many more people than I previously imagined with health challenges.
I've directly several people to your blog who have either gone through, or are about to go through, your situation. Every one of them has thanked me several times for pointing your blog out to them.
Posted by: Reb Orrell at June 1, 2006 3:56 PMDear Ted,
Thank you once again for your courage to chronicle your journey and share your most innermost feelings and fears. Honestly, it's what makes us all pray so hard for you, so admire your faith, your spirit, your courage and your FEARS. I'll bet it is a bit painful each time a chemo treatment is given. We know it is poison in some ways - and absolutely life-saving in another way. A tough call to be sure. No one knows better than you the choices you muust make each day for your well-being. We only know we care very much for you and trust you to make the best choices you can for your body. Bless you for that daunting duty.
And, a huge thank you for being so loyal to all of us that believe in you, pray for you, try to boost your spirits when we can, laugh a little with you and just generally want the very best life has for you. Truly you are so full of life - you see the intricacies of flowers, clouds, trees, water and the beauty of love that you are teaching us all the time. And, we thank you. It is my great privilege to share your writings - joys and sorrows. Your honesty is so commendable and refreshing.
I know I always go on too long, but unlike some of your other contributors who do such a good job of expressing their thoughts in a sentence or two, I don't seem to be able to do that. I guess it takes all kinds. This is the only way I really know to share my honest thoughts with you. God Bless You and Karol and Thanks Again For Everything Ted. Most sincerely, Ruth
Posted by: Ruth Berlien at June 2, 2006 1:44 PM