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I’m up, ambulatory and feeling pretty good this morning. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. My frustration with not being treated because of my low white cell count still had me wound up.
I feel my medical team let me down. I consider it their job to know enough to prevent that from happening. I do not suffer failure lightly and I consider having a low white cell count as failure.
Last night I came up with a model for my situation. I am fighting a war on cancer. I am like the president of the US and fighting the war in Iraq. My oncologist and his two partners are my generals in the war. They set the strategy. Would that I could get all three in a room at once to discuss strategy. His staff are the ground troops that implement that strategy.
Although my general sets strategy, like the president I have to evaluate their recommendations continuously. Do they know what they are talking about? Do I have confidence in them?
To do my evaluations I have to ask hard questions. Currently when I ask the ground troops, I get what I consider inadequate answers. I am not a medical person just as Bush is not a military person or trained in the military. Yeah he was a jet jockey for a time, but he has no strategic or tactical military training.
I have no medical training. I am however, good at project management. I know that in any project you always expect things to go wrong and you need a plan in place to prevent the project from going to h*** in a hand basket. I don’t see my medical team with a fall back position. I don’t see proactive efforts to avoid the treatment from falling behind.
I plan to bring some of that proactively to my war. I know they are going to fight me on this, but I plan to be relentless. I consider that they recommend and implement, but I make the final decision on whether or not we use that strategy.
I guess I’m still wound up.
Posted by The Vorlon at June 13, 2006 7:12 AMI feel there is nothing so frustrating as dealing with medical advisors. They are the people we must count on for advice and try to have confidence in. Even with all the research in the world, we can't control all of our medical concerns, we must rely on them.
I feel the frustration with you. You need to keep your chemo treatments as regular as possible, and if they can't keep you informed ahead of time about the drastic changes in your white blood count, what are you supposed to do? Do you suppose you could request a white blood cell count be done on the Friday before. I know you would still be two days away from a chemo treatment. Or, what if they changed your chemo treatment day to a weekday, and you could get the blood test done ahead of time? I, of course, don't know the answer, but I just wonder if some date changes might help some. It feels so out of control this way - you get there and find out the white blod cell count has changed so drastically. It's just not a good plan for you. Is there anything else they could do to accomodate checking that more often, so your chemo treatments don't have to be delayed so long? Just my thoughts, because I can feel your frustration with all of it, and I care about you and wish you didn't have to deal with this garbage, along with everything else that has come your way. Thank goodness, you're a Vorlon and can handle these things in such an intelligent manner. Never - never - never give up!
And, thamk you for the gorgeous flowers - you still find the beauty and how wonderful is that??
May God's Blessings be with you this week. Ruth
Thank you for your comments. I already have a strategy in mind to prevent this from happening again. My only limitation will getting their compliance. But I can be relentless.
Posted by: Ted at June 13, 2006 8:42 PM